If Prosser had a movie theater...

Note: Pictures of Rolly's six-month shoot are interspersed in this post to keep things a little more entertaining than dreary. 

If Prosser had a movie theater, then you could say Rolin smells like Prosser: a combination of potatoes and buttery popcorn. 

Why? It's a result of the toughest week as a parent I've experienced so far...well not so far, just in the last five months. In reality, if I take a step back and take into account how happy, healthy and growing Rolly is, I really shouldn't continue to get as worked up about this as I have been. But, for the time being, my world is revolving around one diaper with blood after another, and, so far, it's only getting worse. 

Anyway. Rolly smells like he lives in a movie theater in Prosser because he is now on formula that smells like potatoes, and the smell of his diapers is reminiscent of buttery popcorn (sorry!). You probably have to be from the Prosser area to understand this.  

What's that you say? This is the first you've heard of blood in his diaper? Well, that's because until now I've been trying to tell myself it's not that big of a deal. That it will take care of itself. That all will be well again. He has had occasional (three times) blood in his diaper since Thanksgiving. Hardly anything to bat an eye at, but blood all the same. He was diagnosed with a cow's milk protein intolerance, based on the blood and some eczema.

So far, it's worse on formula. The Cristal of formula, mind you. The formula made especially for babies with this intolerance.

The nurses at the doctor's office say this condition isn't hurting him, which is nice to hear, but I can't help but think that if something is making him poop blood, it can't be good. 

Last weekend, my momma mind and emotional capacity lost their stronghold. I felt I was trapped in a glass case of emotion (a'thank you, Ron Burgundy). I'm surprised there are any tears left in my system. I gave in to worry, fear, anxiety, defeat and sadness. All of which are an unhealthy approach to the situation, I know, but I slipped and fell into my self-made pit of despair. 

I am trying to get out, though. And I'm thankful for wonderful friends and family who have given their time, ear and suggestions.

If you're ready for the list of things that all happened at once, keep reading. If you're thinking, "Christine, get over yourself. It could be a lot worse," I know you're right. I'm even more upset that I let my emotions take over the way they did, but they did. However, this is my blog. A sort of diary, if you will, and I feel like sharing this for myself as well as my readers. 

 Last Friday there was more blood in Rolin's diaper. We left our pediatrician's office with a can of formula and were instructed to stop breastfeeding; no other instruction was given. It kind of went like this: Hey, have you ever given your baby anything else other that breast milk? No? Well, too bad. I'm not going to give you any tips or instruction OR tell you that it's ok if he still nurses...just take this can of expensive powder and get out of here. It's 4:30 p.m. on a Friday and I'd like to start my weekend. Also, if you call on Monday to talk to me about how your baby absolutely refused to eat over the weekend, my nurse will be snarky on the phone, tell you to force it down him with a dropper and then forget to tell me you called so no one will talk to you until Wednesday. Good luck!

I'll tell you this much, I'll never again schedule an appointment for a Friday.

In addition to that, over the weekend the "fancy" camera was dropped and broke. Justin was back from being gone for about three weeks (yay!), but he had the flu (boo!). There was a veritable herd of angry baby pigs living in our clothes dryer. The shower began leaking into our kitchen AGAIN and lastly, as mentioned above, Rolin refused to eat anything from a bottle, sippy cup, regular cup or spoon. Even breast milk. 

Sorry for saying breast so much.

The good news: he is now accepting the formula. The bad news: He now has more blood in his poo than we've seen before. And it's been happening for days now. The blood we noticed previously was usually contained to one diaper, one day.

 

I guess the reason I feel so emotional about the whole thing is because I feel like I can't make a decision. I can't seem to feel confident in any decision I make. I'm afraid to make the wrong one. I don't feel educated on the subject, and that's no one's fault but my own. I thought we had it figured out but I was wrong.  I feel I should have done more research, exhausted my resources to learn about cow's milk protein allergies. How much time do I have to investigate? Who knows best? I am (or was) his only food source and I am making him sick. Is it better to just keep breast feeding and deal with the occasional blood in his diaper, or is this killing him slowly and/or will it be the cause of future intestinal disorders even though they say it's not hurting him now. Should he absolutely go on formula now? Why is this formula making him bleed more? Should we go to a GI specialist? Should I just nurse him? He's growing just fine; he isn't fussy. I'm glad we made it six months, but am I determined to do whatever it takes to try to nurse him for a year? What's best for him? Me or formula? I don't know. I don't know how to find out. 

I've talked to the nurses at the pediatrician's office. (Why not the actual pediatrician? Rookie mom mistake...long story.) I've talked to parents, friends, lactation consultants, the triage nurse at the children's hospital, representatives from La Leche. Almost everyone, save for the nurses, told me to keep nursing and stay off dairy. But why shouldn't I listen to the people at the pediatrician's office? They went to med school, they deal with babies every day. So why is the blood worse? How good is my momma intuition? Can I trust it? Is it being irrational? Is it properly educated? Is it trapped in its own glass case of emotion?

Anyway, I'll be calling the pediatrician first thing tomorrow to discuss the latest. Until then, I'll think of Prosser every time we change Rolly's diaper. 

We appreciate your prayers!